EQ

 

BECOME MORE LOGICAL, LESS EMOTIONAL

Here are four concrete points you need to remember very clearly to avoid the

above from happening again:

1. Data is king. Knowledge about something, anything, comes from data—

remind yourself of this. I am not going to expect anything from them. I know

practically nothing about their life. I am going to observe and wait for real

data to show up. Waiting means that you allow yourself time to calm down

from your initial excitement. I am not going to judge them based on rumours

about them, nor buy into the hype around them. There is a possibility that you

might not even get real data about them unless you are working closely with

them.

Real data is any pattern of behaviour and thought that backs a person’s

actions, not words. People say a lot of shit to sound amazing. The sentiment

behind what they say could very well be to sound thoughtful, caring and kind

on purpose. But what people say and what they do are quite often two

separate things. Therefore, don’t outright buy the nice-sounding bullshit they

say. Observe whether it reflects in their choices as well. Choices,

specifically, reveal the thought process of that person because, in making any

choice, a person is also rejecting the other available options. Real data is

found in the choices they make, not what they say they would like to make.

Fuck what they would like to do, focus on what people actually do.

2. First impressions are horseshit. Make a conscious effort to dissolve the

first impressions your brain is making of people. First impressions don’t

come from data, but from how you perceive the world—which relies solely

on your level of intelligence and knowledge. So let’s talk about your

intelligence. Do you have a history of figuring out people accurately? Do you

claim it takes you no time to find out who’s who? Or do you have a tendency

to trust people too soon, forming completely wrong perceptions and ideas

about them and realising later it was horseshit? It is entirely possible you’re

too hopeful, too naive and a believer in people, a believer in the goodness in

people. Two things you need to consider:

Whoever you are, or however you try to appear in front of people,

manipulates your perception of people as well. For example, I am

nice, therefore others must be nice as well.

Whatever you believe in does not change the practical reality that

people are not you. If you are nice—good for you—that is by no

means a guarantee that people will not be themselves.

The point is, do not rely on your intelligence to make assumptions about

people if it isn’t considering the practical reality outside of you. Once you

remove those general assumptions that your mind takes for granted, and the

first impressions, what you are left with is, I don’t know—which is the most

intellectual place to be in regarding all matters of life.

3. People are fucking weird. With people are weird in general as your

foundational principle, you avoid falling for the assumptions your mind takes

for granted, as well as first impressions. You stop seeing them as impressive,

perfect, special beings. They are not. Nobody is. Instead, your outlook is

slight uncertainty. You invite caution in your life and a healthy level of

scepticism. You keep your trust in the back-pocket, but at the same time you

aren’t judgemental, negative or dismissive of people. Like we said before, I

am not going to judge them based on rumours, nor am I going to buy into the

hype around them. I simply don’t know.

4. We live in a world of marketing, advertising and sales. Anybody can

sell you anything—having no real data creates that opportunity. The first

impression is bullshit because it comes from a lack of data. Why not entertain

the possibility that it is salesmanship until proven otherwise! You don’t,

because thinking along those lines might feel unkind and unfair. You want to

give the other person a chance because you like them from your first

impressions. Another reason why you don’t consider that somebody might be

selling bullshit to you is because of our very ignorant perception of bad

people, which comes from an oversimplified division of good and bad.

A bad person, in your mind, is one who is manipulative, calculative,

lying, scheming, Machiavellian, sociopathic, or a criminal mastermind,

basically somebody who has the word ‘bad’ written all over them. That’s

what watching fucking movies and TV shows have taught you. So, you avoid

considering that with a person who is making you feel good. What you need

to realise is that ‘bad’ people, basically those who are going to screw you

over, unlike in movies and TV shows, don’t announce to the world that they

are bad. People who are going to be good to you as well as people with self-

serving motives or ‘bad’ motives, both know a single unbendable fact: there

is only one route to gaining your trust and coming into your life—by being

nice to you and making you feel good. In the beginning, they were great.

Therefore, until you have real data, the perception ‘they are weird’, which

essentially means, I don’t know them at all, helps you avoid falling into traps

that take years of your life away and teach you nothing new.

The next time you meet someone who forms a great first impression in

your eyes, never forget, people are fucking weird. So screw the first

impression no matter what they do professionally. Accept that we live in a

world of marketing, so screw what they are selling—charm, looks,

profundity, it doesn’t matter. And always keep an eye out for real data. That

is what will end the practice of you thinking that any person who makes you

feel good in the beginning is special.